Thursday, 21 May 2009
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Sunday, 17 May 2009
A new ad on British TV sees an oriental woman reaching up to a box on a high shelf in the photocopying room of an East Asian country. She thinks it would be a good idea to climb on top of the photocopier to reach up and so kneels on the glass copying surface. She inadvertently presses the 'make a hundred copies' button and her knees spread apart just as a man walks in. She is of course reaching up for Mikado, the brand new chocolate covered biscuit snack that would seem to have come from Asia, hence the Asians in the ad and the overtly sexual nature of the ad should tell you which Asian country these snacks originated from.
Saturday, 16 May 2009
“Let there be light, drums, sound, guitar...let there be rock” And there was rock.
Oh my god was there rock.
PT Barnum may have been justified when he named his travelling circus 'The Greatest Show on Earth' and his lingering name and legacy seem to vindicate this but times change and so do tastes. His circus would, by today's standards be considered 'lame' by generation X.
Well generation X, Y and Z were about to have their socks rocked off! The LG arena in Birmingham, England was the latest in a long line of gigs for one of the biggest Rock outfits on the planet and tonight they had their own incarnation of 'The Greatest Show on Earth'. I have no doubt that PT Barnum himself would have had no option but to bow down and pay respect to the multimedia rock extravaganza that unfolded that night courtesy of ACDC.
These 5 old men, defying their surely aching limbs and joints, blasted out ear splitting track, one after another to the 11,000 crowd. The relatively intimate crowd did not dampen their
enthusiasm or the rock and roll spirit that surged through the fingers of Angus Young and out of the ear bleedingly big speakers. The set, lasting around 90 minutes was the perfect mix of old and new material with all the showmanship that is expected from the greatest band on earth. Tickets were £40 which highlights the high regard in which the band hold their fans, especially when you hear about the prices charged by artists like Madonna and Michael Jackson. Demand for tickets far exceeded supply which meant I had to settle for a seat, not that there would be much sitting going on. The ticket came with a warning that 'People around you may stand' which seems to be a stupid legal disclaimer for anyone who accidentally wandered in and thought this was going to be a backstreet boys concert.
Rosie, the 100ft inflatable woman made an appearance to accompany her song and led across the back of the stage masturbating and for the finale, cannons fired out across the audience as the band played their final track, the homage to the fans that is 'For those about to rock, we salute you'. During the concert Brian Johnson addressed the crowd and said “I wish you could see yourself” and we thought the same about them.
Lisa Simpson was once asked by pot head bus driver Otto how to spell ACDC. She confidently replied “A-C-D-C” to which he replied ” No, you left out the lightning bolt”.
ACDC did not leave out the lightning.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Sue Son is the aforementioned violinist and according to a newspaper article (I didn't actually watch the program, I have much, much better things to do like watching the grass grow or cleaning my belly button) her rendition of Vanessa Mae's 'Storm' was good enough to get her through to the next round of the competition. The overall winner will have the privilege of playing for a very old lady at the Royal Variety Performance.
Ms Son is originally from Korea and I can't wait to hear how the Korean media will have commented on this one, especially as the program is called 'Britain's Got Talent' and not 'Britain's Got Talent but we acknowledge the fact the one of the talents is from Korea'. She caused something of a media storm (in a tea cup) when she dumped her musical partner after they were branded "shite" (OK I branded them shite, but I paraphrased the judges). Son was advised to dump her partner for being "uber shite" (again paraphrasing) and was then invited back to audition on her own, an invitation she accepted. Suffice it to say they are not friends anymore, in fact her former friend has even taken the extreme step of 'de-friending' her on facebook, what a slap in the face that is for the Korean girl.
Well it is lonely at the top as they say but seeing as she is Korean she can count on the unwavering support of every man, woman and child in Korea and will soon be a national hero for putting ambition before friendship, after all she wouldn't want to waste all those long hours in that violin hagwon would she.
She also happens to be quite attractive, a fact surely not lost on the producers of the show and I am sure this will ultimately earn her more money than the violin ever will. Expect to see her holding up a bottle of soju on a TV screen near you soon.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
The fat little mass was just lying on the back of my tongue and worried me slightly. I had visions of it swelling more and more until it choked me to death, which would be a boring and shitty way to go. I am not at all a hypochondriac, in fact I rarely go to see a doctor unless I am expressly ordered by 'She Who Must Be Obeyed' but the thought of choking to death can bring about a change in attitude!
I phoned NHS direct, a 24 hour, nurse on a phone helpline for some advice and was told that "It will probably clear itself up" and that I was to phone an ambulance if it blocked my airway, presumably to wheeze down the line and have some call centre nurse listen to my final breath.
It turns out that dehydration, consuming alcohol, smoking, allergies and drugs, in particular snorting cocaine can all cause this relatively common complaint. So if your dangly bits suddenly swell up just drink a few litres of water and lay off the cocaine for a while.